feeling accomplished!

So, I think I’m finally starting to get the hang of this PoTS thing. For the first time in ages I finally feel like I’m recovering and I definitely think that this is down to the exercise I’m able to do now. I honestly can’t believe how much more active I can be now; I’ve not used my wheelchair or commode for over a month.
I’m so relieved to be able to say goodbye to the wheelchair. I know I have it if I ever need it again and it’s been such a help, allowing me to carry on with life and get out and about, but I’m certainly not missing it! I’m also able to cycle on my exercise bike for half an hour most days which feels pretty amazing!

The big news though is that earlier this week I managed my first run since last November. I say run, I’m sure most people could walk faster if I’m honest. It was harder than any run I’ve done before and very slow; I didn’t get very far, but at least it’s a start. My heart rate went sky high but thankfully recovered after half an hour or so of lying down drinking water by the pint! I’ve had to tailor my exercise regime around when my highest dose of Ivabradine is due so that I’m getting maximum benefit from my medication.

I’m feeling so much better at the moment which I’m putting down to the fact that I’ve been able to increase the amount of exercise I do. I feel almost human again! I’m mainly only struggling with the extreme fatigue, lack of appetite and nausea and I had a pretty bad bank holiday Monday as I woke up vomiting but I didn’t feel too unwell after so can’t really complain.

Hopefully it’s onwards and upwards from here!

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phew!

Despite my body kindly reminding me on a minute by minute basis that I do in fact have PoTS, it’s been a good week, so here’s my favourite view of Sheffield (from Meersbrook park if you’re interested).

Drumroll please ……… after over a months break I’ve finally got back on the exercise bike!!! This is partly because after struggling on for a while I finally rang the specialist nurses who let me increase my second dose of the day of Ivabradine, which has so far helped give me a bit of a boost. I’m hoping eventually they’ll let me try some other combinations of medications as I’m a long long way off feeling vaguely ‘normal’, whatever that ends up being. For now, though, I managed 5 whole minutes on the bike. Those 5 minutes where the hardest minutes of exercise I’ve ever done (yes, even including cross country in year 9, or the dreaded bleep test in PE). I was on such a high afterwards I may as well have run a marathon.

I’ve been to my first PoTS support group meeting and it was lovely to meet other people with PoTS who understand what you are going through, and what a mad mad thing PoTS really is.

Without a doubt, the best thing that happened this week was when I went in to my GP for yet another sick note. We’ve had a system where I ring up the receptionist who then lets a GP know that I need a new note. So I haven’t actually been in contact with a GP since before my actual diagnosis and I thought I’d go in to see them in person for this one. Best decision I could have made! Before I’d even sat down in the consulting room this lovely GP who I’d never seen before was saying what I tough time I must have had lately and asking how I really was. Those ten minutes were probably the best GP appointment I’ve ever had even though I only needed a sick note. We talked about my diagnosis journey and how uncontrolled my symptoms where, how long it might take to recover enough to regain a decent quality of life, what my career options might be, how I was mentally coping, if my family were supportive, what my manager was doing to help me regarding work…. I could go on! I’d like to add that he didn’t claim to know much about PoTS, but he had at least heard of it and knew enough to know how dehabilitating it can be.

I came out feeling quite emotional, it made me realise how damaging it was to have had bad experiences in the past because it made me feel that it was a constant battle to be believed by health professionals. My whole past experience means I can doubt myself or not want to bother GPs or even the PoTS specialists that I’m under as I worry about the reaction I might get. A tiny irrational part of me worries before each appointment that I will have a repeat of the past and be told I’m just an anxious young adult with nothing wrong. Which is silly I know but I think it is a natural reaction to have. It’s hard to undo the 10+ years of being told nothing is wrong when you know deep down something is in fact very wrong.

In other news, I’m waiting for the outcome of my work capability assessment questionnaire and after many phone calls and confusing letters my oh-so-generous Employment Support Allowance payments have begun. Let me put it this way, I’m really grateful for once that it’s my parents I owe rent to!

The hot weather recently has been tough, tougher than I imagined, so I’m enjoying the torrential rain and downpours at the moment. Also, more often than not I’ve been waking up feeling as if I’ve been hit by a bus. I’m sure it would be much more painful to actually be hit by a bus, but it’s the only way I can think to describe it. Everything aches so it’s taking superhuman effort to get up, but most days I manage! I feel so relieved I’ve made it through the last week or so and am still smiling and (relatively) sane*.

*to be fair that is debatable!!!

feeling sluggish

One of the symptoms of PoTS that I’ve struggled with is the constant feeling of being on edge. Because my Autonomic Nervous System has gone a bit haywire, my heart rate is going faster than it should when I change position (see: what is PoTS?). This means my body has panicked and gone into the ‘stress’ response, or ‘fight or flight’ mode in order to try and compensate. This response involves the release of norepinephrine, a type of adrenaline. This helps to maintain a high heart rate and then results in a general feeling of anxiety which is very frustrating especially as the body does not need to ‘fight or flight’. I’m wondering maybe that’s why I was drawn to work in A&E because when you’re constantly ‘wired’ with adrenaline a little bit more doesn’t really register! I’m also able to function with a huge amount of adrenaline in my system and you wouldn’t even notice because I’ll seem so calm. My body also has irrational responses to sudden loud noises like people shouting, the doorbell going or the phone ringing which is really annoying!

Ivabradine is not stopping my heart from jumping when I stand, but my heart rate (for the most part) is not getting high enough to make me feel anxious, and when it does it’s returning to a sensible range much sooner so I’m feeling really chilled out.

Its very strange getting used to my heart slowing down so much, it feels really heavy and sluggish, almost like it’s going slower than the rest of my body, so for the majority of this week I’ve been feeling really drowsy. Lots of napping has taken place!

good things come in small packages

When I took my first Ivabradine it was so small I wasn’t even sure I’d swallowed it! It’s a tiny tablet anyway, but I have to cut them in half which is near impossible. It describes itself on the box as ‘salmon’ coloured. I was wondering if it came in fuchsia or teal but sadly not. Fun fact: pharmaceutical companies don’t like to make drugs a green colour because it’s considered unlucky. See, I have remembered SOMETHING from my nursing degree!

Ivabradine will obviously affect everyone differently, but so far I’ve experience headaches (normal for me), dizziness (normal for me, but occasionally it felt more like vertigo when the wheelchair would feel like it was moving when I had the breaks on; normally my dizziness feels like I’m looking through a haze). I have felt my heart rate slow, occasionally it’s felt really ‘heavy’ and pronounced, even more so than my usual palpitations. It’s a really slow acting drug though, which peaks after 30 mins and wears off after 4 hours.

I’m not looking forward to the most common side effect which is light sensitivity seeing as I’m very light sensitive anyway at the moment and am wearing sunglasses pretty much 24/7 so might have to become a mole or something. Lets hope that’s not a side effect I get (I mean light sensitivity, not turning into a mole. I’m pretty sure I didn’t read that as a side effect in the leaflet!). So far I’ve not felt a reduction in my PoTS symptoms but not sure if that’s because I’m feeling so extremely exhausted and rubbish at the moment anyway. Hopefully I’ll see some improvement in a couple of days when this ‘flare-up’ has settled.